What is the overarching goal we have as grandparents? Maybe we should tweak our question to “What is the overarching goal God has for us in our grandparenting?” Consider the following passages:
“Take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s children” (Deut. 4:9).
“So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come” (Psalm 71:18).
“We will . . . tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done . . . so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments” (Psalm 78:4, 7).
“One generation shall commend your works to another and shall declare your mighty acts” (Psalm 145:4).
In God’s gracious providence, the torch of faith that was carried by those who preceded us has now been placed in our hands. God wants us to be faithful in passing that torch to the coming generations. The Lord is calling on us grandparents to be diligent—to be intentional—in showing our grandchildren the greatness and grace of our glorious Lord so that they “should set their hope in God” (Psalm 78:7). Now, there’s a worthy goal for our grandparenting: that at the end of our lives, our grandchildren will have “set their hope in God.”
So, what has to happen for that to happen? We can gain a good perspective on what it takes to be grandparents in tune with our God-given mission by remembering God’s directive to the people of Israel. God’s Word to the Israelites was to be intentionally passed on from one generation to the next. It was for “you and your son and your son’s son” (Deut. 6:2). And, how was God’s truth to be passed from one generation to the next? That transfer of God’s Word was not a one-time event. The passing of God’s truth was to be an intentional, on-going commitment as one generation interacted with the coming generations in daily life. How does Deuteronomy 6:6-7 describe this intentional transfer of God’s truth from one generation to the next? “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” It’s a matter of intentionally making daily life interactions with our grandchildren into opportunities for passing along truths about God, how we are made right with him, and how we should live rightly with and for him.
Intentional Involvement in our Grandchildren’s Worlds
We are called to do what our Savior did: he entered our world and shared our life. We mirror his loving sacrifice by entering into our grandchildren’s world and genuinely sharing their lives.
Our intentional venturing into the world of grandchildren can start in their earliest days, even while they are babies and toddlers. We grandparents can make our homes not only a safe place for the grandbabies but a welcoming place.
As the grandchildren get a bit older, we can continue to be intentional in making our home a place where they want to be – where they can make memories with their grandparents. Having some age-appropriate toys, table games, and outdoor activities can communicate to our grandchildren and their parents that we have been anticipating their visits and take delight in preparing for them.
And, of course, as intentionally-engaged grandparents, we don’t want to automatically send the grandkids off by themselves to play so that we can continue our own preferred activities. As much as possible, we want to spend time with our grandkids. We can intentionally engage in our grandchildren’s world, building warm relationships and making lasting memories.
And, as the grandchildren move into their school-age years, we grandparents can be intentional in making sure we know when their various school and extra-curricular activities are scheduled. If possible, we can attend their athletic games, their musical or theatrical productions, or their school’s open house. We can encourage our grandchildren by telling them ahead of time that we’re looking forward to being there and then praising their involvement in the activity. The key is intentionality – communicating to your grandchild by your words and actions that he is on your mind and in your heart.
Intentionally Inviting our Grandchildren into Our World
“With.” It’s such a common, simple word, but it can denote such power – such potential. Think about Luke’s observation in Acts 4:13, “Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus.” Jesus had taken these men and the other apostles “with” him during his three years of public ministry, and by God’s grace and the power of his Spirit, Jesus had “rubbed off” on them. They were changed men having been “with” Jesus. Reflecting our Lord, we grandparents can invite our grandchildren to walk through life “with” us. We can invite them into our world so that they can learn more about life and eternity.
What if we grandparents developed an intentional “with” approach to ordinary daily activities, deliberately including our grandchildren whenever possible, demonstrating for them and coaching them in helpful life skills? We can assist our adult children in the amazing responsibility of preparing our grandchildren for life by doing life “with” our grandchildren. This mindset can provide increased opportunities to impact their lives for God’s glory, helping shape them for life and eternity.
Intentionally Pursuing Adventures with our Grandchildren
If our heartfelt, prayerful desire for our grandchildren is that they become fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ, why would we encourage them to “play it safe” or to pursue a lifestyle of ease and comfort? Life is not centered on us. Life is centered on Jesus Christ, and following him is costly. What did Jesus say? “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it” (Luke 9:23-24).
The pioneer Reformed Baptist missionary to India, William Carey, famously said, “Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God.” What might be some things we grandparents can do to influence our grandchildren to “attempt great things for God” over the course of their lifetimes? Wouldn’t it be glorious if our grandchildren would grow up with memories of grandparents who intentionally communicate by example as well as by counsel Let’s live radically for Jesus. He is worth it!
Clearly, we must pray, and pray for more than our grandchildren’s safety and comfort in life. We want to intentionally pray that the Spirit of God will move in their hearts in such a way that they will want to be “all in” for Christ and the spread of his gospel.
Intentionally Engage Your Grandchildren in Meaningful Conversation
What do we tend to talk about with our grandchildren? I’m sure a lot depends on the situation and current age of our grandchildren. But, no matter if our grandchild is eight or eighteen, are the majority of our conversations meaningful? Are we thoughtfully processing life and eternity with our grandchildren in our verbal interaction with them, whether those conversations are happening face-to-face, on the phone, or through social media?
We can intentionally initiate conversations with our grandchildren on spiritually significant issues. For example, we might ask a grandchild, “What did you learn in Sunday School (or in youth group or from the pastor’s sermon)?” Maybe we then explore that passage or topic with the child for a few minutes, looking for its meaning and impact on the child’s life. Or, perhaps we can welcome our grandchild into our own spiritual life: “Guess what I was reading in my Bible this morning. I was reading . . . and do you know that that got me thinking about?” And the conversation develops, not only about the words on the page, but about the impact of God’s word on your life personally. Discussing the Bible personally with our grandchildren demonstrates for them its power in our own lives. When grandchildren are old enough to read, we can encourage them to read the Bible on their own or with us. Having conversations together about scripture can allow us process what they’re reading, asking them how a passage impacted them or what questions it stirred.
When our grandchildren are struggling with their own sin or the pain of being sinned against, we can process that pain and confusion with them. We don’t serve our grandchildren by minimizing their pain. Instead, let’s listen to their pain and struggles. This might mean gently asking questions, being quiet with them, even crying with them. And it will mean going to God’s throne room with them in prayer. We grandparents can be a “safe place” for our grandchildren to talk openly about their questions, struggles, and hurts. We may feel at a loss to know what to say, but let’s ask the Lord to fill us with his Spirit, giving us the wisdom and sensitivity to be present and to know what to say and what not to say.
Intentionally Affirming Our Grandchildren
Do our grandchildren know we love them—really love them? We have so many ways we can intentionally affirm our grandchildren and reassure them of our love. Nothing beats just coming out and saying the words, “I love you, buddy” or “I love you, sweetheart.”
We can demonstrate our love for our grandchildren through appropriate affection—hugs and kisses. Again, if you grew up not being shown proper physical affection, showing affection to your own family members might feel awkward. But, isn’t it worth overcoming our hesitations for the sake of letting our grandchildren (and children) know how much we love them?
Intentionally affirming our grandchildren through appropriate words of praise can make an impact as well. We can ask the Lord to make us more observant of his gifts of kindness and grace to our grandchildren, then intentionally point those out to them. The praise we give should not ignore God’s involvement, but instead, draw attention to him. For example, if you have an academically gifted grandchild, it would be so easy to brag, “You sure are smart!” But, how much more meaningful to say, “You know, it seems that God has given you an unusual ability to learn. I’m praying that you will use that ability to serve God and to bless others.” Similar things might be said to a grandchild who has accomplished something notable in athletics or in art or in music. How encouraging might it be for a grandparent to affirm a grandson or granddaughter who has gone above and beyond the call of duty in serving others or in showing compassion to a hurting sibling or friend. Let’s intentionally look for those evidences of God’s grace to our grandchild or through our grandchild, then point out that virtue or ability in a way that honors the God who enabled that blessing.